I’ve been going through a very scary mystery illness and fighting for my life. Well, that sounds dramatic, doesn’t it? But seriously, it has been a freaking roller coaster of massive ups and downs and it has challenged my faith beyond all belief. And even though this is me we are talking about, spiritual guru extraordinaire, I’ve had my days of wavering faith. I’m not going to lie, I had entire days where I was so present because I was in so much pain that I was just enduring life moment by moment because I did not know how the hell to get to the next moment because of so much pain. And that is what today’s post is all about.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that 1) I manifested this and 2) this was a gift shrouded in enormous pain and suffering and it was up to me to unwrap this beautiful gift that I gave myself and figure out how to make lemons into lemonade. I took my twenty-plus years of Feng Shui knowledge and put it to work for me. But you may be asking,
- How the F do you manifest anything when you are in pain? When you’re sad, and when you feel hopeless?
- How do you manifest health when you’re on the edge of despair and experiencing enormous pain and suffering?
- How do you manifest wealth when facing bill collectors, eviction, foreclosure, and no job?
- How do you endure a better career when the job you have is horrible and doesn’t appreciate you?
- How do you overcome hate or anger or frustration when your family is impossible?
- How do imagine finding your soulmate and overcoming the sadness and loneliness when you’ve been on a thousand dates and are left despondent, outraged and your options seem tragic?
Today I’m going to give you tools to overcome the battle within yourself that makes you believe there is no other way or option. I’m going to show you the door where there once was a wall. Here’s the thing, I know a lot of teachers take workshops, and classes and learn new things that they turn around and want to teach others. And there is nothing wrong with this, however, it is my belief that the teacher who teaches a faith from a place rooted in their own journey and wounds that are similar to yours is a teacher who truly knows how to get you from where you are to where you want to go.
I do not teach anything that I myself have not gone through and conquered. In fact, many of the courses that I teach were not put together or taught to others until I myself mastered them. Hence the name of my Mac daddy course, mastering Feng Shui. My money course which I just launched a year ago was twenty years in the making because that’s how long it took me to master my self-limiting beliefs.
You are not here to learn lessons and suffer. I know I often say you are but as I have meditated for hours and hours over the past two months spirit has made it very clear, we are here to learn from experience. How can we know love if we do not first understand pain? How can we understand Joy if we do not fully understand loss?
But suffering is all on you and unfortunately suffering is caused by our conditioning. The dogma we have been taught to believe that we are not worthy, good enough nor do we deserve the things we desire. So our lack of growth and our experience are first shrouded by a deep-seated system of beliefs that isn’t even our own – and those beliefs get in the way of how you manifest.
At the end of October just before my birthday life was great. I went to bed like a normal person and I woke up the next day with a massive abscess on my groin. And I should mention – depending on your sun sign is a clue where you typically manifest things, for example, Aries is typically the face, brain, or eyes, Leo is heart and spine, Scorpio is sex organs, reproductive system, and bowels. So when it comes time to have a come to Jesus with yourself this is typically where you’ll manifest if you have stuff you haven’t dealt with and yo’ spirit self says honey buns, it’s time to purge and let that sh*t go!
So I wake up with an abscess on my groin, and it’s on the left side which is the feminine side. But I wasn’t thinking about that when all this happened. In fact, spiritual shit went out the window because by the time nighttime hit I was in so much pain I couldn’t walk, sit, stand or lie down without enormous pain. I called my doctor and mind you this was back in October. She doesn’t have anything open or available until March of 2022. And it took me almost four hours of going through call centers, nurses, and other bullshit like voicemails to get this news. And I don’t want to go off on a rant here, but I ended up calling numerous doctors, going through the same bullshit, wasting countless hours all while in pain, only to be told nothing was available until next year. The allopathic, western system needs an overhaul big time. It needs to be less about profit and more about healing.
I won’t bore you with all the unsexy and very frustrating details.
Ultimately I ended up seeing seven different doctors. And let me tell you the enormous amount of energy, pleading, and demanding, hell, the amount of effort it took to get those appointments is incredibly hard to describe. It is extremely hard to muster up ‘fight’ energy when you feel like you are fighting for your life. Some days I would spend three hours making calls and I could barely get enough strength to talk into the phone because I was weak and worn out from it all.
But despite everything that I’ve gone through and how hard and challenging this has all been all of this has been a gift. One big enormous gift.
You may say, you’ve lost your mind, Amanda, how the hell is this a gift? Because you see, we cannot learn or grow or evolve without loves opposite and that is pain. I have had clients in the past tell me that it would take them five to ten minutes to muster up the energy to lean forward from their couch to grab their beverage, take a sip, and then muster up any remaining energy to place it back on the table. This I could not imagine until I myself went through it.
So the big question remains, how do you manifest healing when you do not know what the hell is going on? For four weeks I suffered in insurmountable pain and could not get to a place of self-healing because I was in the dark about what was going on. And I found it very difficult to meditate or do spiritual work because of the pain. So how do you rise above it? How do you move past the darkness to find the light and move forward when you desire a different outcome?
Tool #1 – Meditate small
Here’s the thing when you are in the thick of it and you are in the tornado being whipped around it’s very hard to remember anything. It’s hard to focus on where you want to be rather than where you are. So keep meditation simple and to the point. Focus on a very small outcome. For example, if a bear is chasing you most people are focused on the bear, but what they should be doing is focusing on running which is the solution. So for me, I focused on one thing – getting to the bottom of what was causing my illness. So I focused what little energy I had on receiving the answer to what was causing my pain, that’s it.
If you are in a dead-end career don’t focus on how bad it is, focus on one thing that you would love to experience in your day.
If it’s love you seek, focus on one thing that love would bring you or how it would make you feel.
If it’s money, don’t focus on the lack of it, focus on one thing that would improve in your life with a new addition of wealth.
Finally, just before Thanksgiving, I was able to get in with my functional medicine doctor and he determined I was in peritonitis which is an infection when there is a tear in your colon and its contents are leaking into your abdomen. This is a life-threatening condition that people die from and seven doctors missed it. But once I had the condition of what the hell was going on I could now focus on the solution.
Tool #2- Be demanding
Focus on where you are going not where you’ve been and demand it. So many people focus on their lack because they believe they don’t truly deserve what they desire and they claim manifesting doesn’t work. Once you have mastered the one thing that I just mentioned earlier start adding to your picture. For me, I envisioned not general healing, but that little men were in my colon plastering the tear closed with green light. Then would envision feeling happy and healthy and amazing and I would tell myself that I was f’ing awesome and I deserved healing and demanded that spirit and the universe come to my aid and help me. I’m amazing and deserve to heal. And you’re amazing and deserve to have all that you desire. But this unwavering faith is what raises your vibration and helps put you in alignment. Now depending on your belief system, this is often the hardest arena for people to overcome. They will sit there and say “I deserve it,” but deep down there is still a shadow of a doubt. So that takes me to tool #3.
Tool #3 – Gratitude
Believe in it and do it with gratitude. This is the hardest part. You have to set everything aside in your current reality and believe. Let’s say you want an amazing partner. You dream of someday being married, but you’ve been on countless dates that are tragic and now you’re telling yourself why even bother trying its all so terrible! Guess what you’re going to get more terrible. Sit your ass down and believe that Mr. or Misses gorgeous is on their way to you because dammit you’re freaking amazing and deserve it. YOU are amazing. You are a gift to this world and the world is less than without you. And the person coming into your reality is going to be the same. Then thank the universe for this amazing gift that has manifested in your life.
Tool #4 – Make it a game
Practice with your power. Create, play with the magic, and prove to yourself that you are in fact a manifesting machine. Here’s what I did. I meditated for four straight days. I envisioned my healing, I envisioned a month from now being whole again and I thanked source for everything in my life down to my silverware. Then two nights ago I went to a Christmas party. They decided to have a fun little raffle and there were several items on the table that they were going to give away. I looked at the table. There was a blender, grill, kindle, and an echo dot. I said in my mind, I’m going to win the grill. Tonight I’m going to win this grill and I saw the grill in my house the next day.
Sure enough, they started the raffle, and when they raffled off the grill my name got called. Hot damn!
Do I need a damn grill? Hell no. I have no need for it. But it was my way of proving to myself that I am back on track, connected to my guides, and in sync. My chi is cultivated. Now, what does this do? This proves to me that I have the power to manifest. This proves to me that I am an almighty being and if I can manifest a grill I can manifest healing. And you my friend can do the same. Don’t expect to jump off a cliff and fly on your first try. This isn’t about the end result. Which is the ego telling you you always have to win. No, no, no. This is about you learning your ability and how powerful you are. This is about creation and manifestation to teach you that you are more powerful than you could ever know.
Now I’m not out of the woods. Not entirely. I’m seeing a functional medicine doctor, an energy healer, and an acupuncturist on a weekly basis to monitor everything and heal. And so far it’s going really well. But it’s because I believe I can. And doing things naturally takes time but I’m ok with that. The most important thing to take away from this is that pain is very real. Whether it’s sadness, despair, fear, or actual physical pain – it’s all there to teach you something if you’re willing to listen. Is it easy? Hell no. I’ve had days and days where I couldn’t get out of bed because I was in so much pain and I had to see profanity and anger as sacred. I had moments where I cursed at spirit and God and I was irritable and irrational. The point is to not stay there. To move through it as quickly as you can. We are all human and it’s a part of the human journey. So learn from it, and use it like mortar to place your next brick and build something as magnificent as you are!!!
Want to learn more? Here are some more resources:
Podcast Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/show/home-energy-design
Online Booking: https://square.site/book/357APYEW5KWB8/amanda-gates